aries drowned in cash and women

taurus death by mozzarella sticks

gemini balled too hard

cancer too much gay sex within a 48 hour period

leo parkour

virgo crushed by their own ego

libra forgot to eat, sleep, or drink water because they were watching netflix

scorpio trampled in a pride parade

sagittarius suspicious incident involving eggs

capricorn did it for the vine

aquarius a 5-way

pisces one of those papercuts right on your fingertip